When embroiled in conflict, the equanimous will maintain impartiality in an effort to truly understand others’ points of view. Thich Nhat Hanh says with equanimity, “ You climb the mountain to be able to look over the whole situation, not bound by one side or the other.” From that vantage point you have the ability to see everyone as equal and not discriminate between ourselves and other people. The balanced heart feels pleasure without grasping and clinging at it, it feels pain without condemning or hating, and it stays open to neutral experiences with presence. We can remain centered when surrounded by turmoil. As inner strength develops, equanimity follows. The strong presence of inner calm, well-being, confidence, vitality, or integrity can keep us upright, like a ballast keeps a ship upright in strong winds. This balance we need for equanimity comes from inner strength or stability. Without equanimity, we are tossed about by the waves, often crashing into the circumstances of our lives. When we have equanimity, we ride these waves with ease.

Usually we are touched by endlessly changing conditions of gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disrepute, and pleasure and pain. Joseph Goldstein says, that the first way we experience the cool, restful quality of equanimity is in the peace it brings to our daily lives. It is when I move outside my window of tolerance and obsess over the fact that they don’t live in Madison and I cannot see them as often as I would like, that I lose my equanimity. It is OK to get excited about seeing my grandchildren as long as I stay in my window of tolerance. What it really means is to not be ruled by passions, desires, likes and dislikes. When we turn the page we may like the story in the next chapter better.Įquanimity does not mean you can’t enjoy the pleasant. We realize if we don’t like the story of our lives, we should keep going. We see what we genuinely cannot control, no matter how obsessed we might become with trying to. But true equanimity is not cold nor indifferent, it doesn’t mean not caring. The calmness of equanimity is not due to indifference but to seeing things as they are and accepting them. When I first head a talk about equanimity, I thought it meant “indifference,” being detached and unconcerned with other beings. It protects us from an emotional overreaction, allows us to rest in a bigger perspective, and contains a basic trust in the course of things… Equanimity is like the eye of the storm, the calm center, that is grounded in the knowledge that everything is constantly changing and much of it is out of our control.” Christiane Wolf What Equanimity Isn’t Equanimity brings calmness and balance to moments of joy as well as difficulty. “ Equanimity is being willing and able to accept things as they are in this moment-whether they’re challenging, boring, exciting, disappointing, painful, or exactly what we want. Equanimity can only arise through the acceptance of the facts that we don’t have complete control over any given situation and everything changes. Think of it as stable not rigid, like a tree with deep roots in a strong storm. It’s the mindful presence that neither grasps nor resists experience, and is the grounds for unconditional love and wise action. It is not gritting your teeth or white-knuckling it. I see equanimity as a wisdom that protects our mind from the discouragement and frustration when our lack of control is clear. The smile is all about finding calmness and composure in a difficult situation, finding equanimity. “ Tis easy enough to be pleasant, when life flows along like a song but the man worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox Instead of getting on the hamster wheel of reactivity and making things worse, you will slow down and respond skillfully. If you get caught up in your fears and sorrows, you get contracted. If you find something to smile about in the midst of our fear and sorrow, you will change the trajectory of your life. I take them to mean, that even when you have clouds in your sky, you can still see the good in life. Now when I hear words, they take on a different meaning for me, whether Nat King Cole meant them this way or not. Read the first verse above, and see what you think. Since I was the princess of brushing things under the carpet, I thought the song was saying to brush anything unpleasant under the carpet and just smile to make things better. We had a sister act to the Nat King Cole song, Smile.

When I was young, my sisters and I went to Morgan Dancing School. If you smile through your fear and sorrow When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

Smile through your fear and sorrow